Badly, like most people who have a good relationship with their parents I imagine. My mother died in 2009 and my father in 2014. The first one was rough, she was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and only lasted a few months after that. The second one was fucking brutal though, I was the one who had to make the call to pull him off of life support (he had a DNR from pretty much the moment mom died), on the phone, from ~1500 miles away.
They hit me very different, for pretty obvious reasons, but also some not-obvious ones. Plus that was further complicated by the fact that despite loving my parents very much (they were flawed like everyone else, but honestly they were the best parents a guy could ask for) I never cried at either of their deaths. I didn’t get to attend the service for either one (not that there was much of one). But it would hit me out of the blue for years. I still dream about them sometimes. But it wasn’t until my best friend of ~25 years (and long-time roommate) died in 2019 (it was a rough 10 years) that it really all hit me, I felt utterly alone and rudderless in the world for a good while afterwards.
I’m doing better now thankfully. You have no choice but to keep on keeping on, but now carrying that weight. It doesn’t ever go away, but it does get lighter with time.
I think this encompasses it perfectly. That the world is lesser or harder somehow without.
But it would hit me out of the blue for years. I still dream about them sometimes.
Thanks for your perspective, and this is likely what I fear. It’s weird to know that everyone goes through this at some point in their lives, this sudden feeling of losing the people that made you a child, and now you have to suddenly realise that there’s no one to call upon other than yourself for adulthood
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of medical problems in my life that make me more dependent upon others than most so I dunno if that means I felt it more keenly because of that or if that’s just how it goes for everyone.
I will say, re:fear, that once you get past the initial wave of grief it’s not really a bad thing, it’s just remembering them and being sad that they’re not there, and like anything it lessens with time. I wouldn’t say I look forward to it or anything like that, but while for the first little bit it kind of wiped me out, now it’s kind of like nostalgia. Instead of deeply feeling that freshly-severed connection it’s more like fond remembrance now.
Badly, like most people who have a good relationship with their parents I imagine. My mother died in 2009 and my father in 2014. The first one was rough, she was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and only lasted a few months after that. The second one was fucking brutal though, I was the one who had to make the call to pull him off of life support (he had a DNR from pretty much the moment mom died), on the phone, from ~1500 miles away.
They hit me very different, for pretty obvious reasons, but also some not-obvious ones. Plus that was further complicated by the fact that despite loving my parents very much (they were flawed like everyone else, but honestly they were the best parents a guy could ask for) I never cried at either of their deaths. I didn’t get to attend the service for either one (not that there was much of one). But it would hit me out of the blue for years. I still dream about them sometimes. But it wasn’t until my best friend of ~25 years (and long-time roommate) died in 2019 (it was a rough 10 years) that it really all hit me, I felt utterly alone and rudderless in the world for a good while afterwards.
I’m doing better now thankfully. You have no choice but to keep on keeping on, but now carrying that weight. It doesn’t ever go away, but it does get lighter with time.
I think this encompasses it perfectly. That the world is lesser or harder somehow without.
Thanks for your perspective, and this is likely what I fear. It’s weird to know that everyone goes through this at some point in their lives, this sudden feeling of losing the people that made you a child, and now you have to suddenly realise that there’s no one to call upon other than yourself for adulthood
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of medical problems in my life that make me more dependent upon others than most so I dunno if that means I felt it more keenly because of that or if that’s just how it goes for everyone.
I will say, re:fear, that once you get past the initial wave of grief it’s not really a bad thing, it’s just remembering them and being sad that they’re not there, and like anything it lessens with time. I wouldn’t say I look forward to it or anything like that, but while for the first little bit it kind of wiped me out, now it’s kind of like nostalgia. Instead of deeply feeling that freshly-severed connection it’s more like fond remembrance now.