The Internet appears to equivocate female dominance with a selfish, cruel, and controlling dominatrix figure. I’m sure it works well for people who are fascinated with power itself, but for me, I am interested in power only when it is used altruistically in the form of affectionate protection and care. I prefer something deeply humanizing, benevolent, and connected rather than something dehumanizing, malevolent, and disconnected.
EDIT: I’m also aware of the label “gentle femdom,” but from what I’ve seen in practice, much of the content under this label is the same kinds of power plays but less overtly cruel. In general, anything that restricts or denies pleasure or hints that the female partner is emotionally disconnected or taking advantage of the submissive partner is a huge turn-off for me. I’m looking for something that feels romantic and genuine. It would be nice if there was a label that specifically implied pure romantic connotations and excluded edgy “bad girl” behavior. What I’m looking for is more like, as someone commented, a golden retriever woman who’s confident and eager.
The hottest thing to me is a big cuddly woman spoiling her partner with affection and wrapping him up safe and snug with her body. She’s totally in control, but she’s devoting herself to her partner’s enjoyment and making him feel completely loved and protected. She’s effectively a protagonist, embodying strength, agency, and ultimate good.
And, I don’t know. I guess I was just expecting that to be more common. Perhaps this is just a product of the fact that most adult entertainment is produced for mass consumption and tends to focus more on the visuals and mechanics of sex instead of the emotional side of it. But that doesn’t explain the fact that there is tons of NSFW art for lots of different niches. So, I don’t really know.
What do you think? Have you observed these trends yourself? Do you have your own theory? Am I just bad at searching? Should I touch grass? I’d like to know your thoughts.
It does exist, but it’s not common. My guess as to that its multifaceted. First and biggest is obviously sexism. Women are seen as weak and mean expected to take care of them. Anything other than this is taboo, and in more conservative areas, seen as wrong. The only reason it’s at all accepted in kink is that its purely behind closed doors, so people get less chance to attack it. I also think that most women just enjoy the status quo. Whether this is because women like to be submissive, or just that people in general like to be submissive and women don’t have to hide it is impossible to tell. Regardless, a lot of people are perfectly happy with the current expectations. Finally, I think its just momentum. It takes time for things to change.
If you do want to find more stuff like this, the main terms to look for are, “role reversal” for nuclear-family-esk relationships with reversed gender roles, “female led relationship” for generally more intense women in charge, or “gentle femdom” for more gentle and caring stuff, but more sex focused. As much as I hate to recommend it, Reddit is probably the best spot to look, seeing as there isn’t really any other aggregators for something that niche and taboo.