An old friend/aquaintance I’ve not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she’s had two babies by two different guys. They’re ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I’m not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I’ve frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it’s something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she’d be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she’d have to bring the kids along.

I don’t want to be a dick but I’m really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They’re mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don’t really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I’m really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

  • WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    1·
    2 days ago

    Let me rephrase it : OP sounds super high-maintenance. If i am meeting with another adult, it’s not to baby-sit them. It’s not to always be wondering whether i am giving them enough affirmation, or whether they are getting agitated because they feel i’m not focused 100% on them.

    I don’t think OP’s problem is the lack of affirmation. I think their concern is somewhat similar to the meeting partner starting to browse social media on their phone, but here not because of bordedom or addiction but because the children needs attention, which is just how children work naturally, with varying frequency. and so, I think it’s not about whether the partner actively participates, but whether they are listening or if they are distracted so you are basically talking to a wall.

    but you know what, I realized that I don’t have enough information to know what OP thinks, and maybe I’m just trying to put into words how I see it.

    That is not to say you should meet with someone and completely ignore them. But when adults meet, there’s this tacit understanding that everybody’s got their own shit going on, and there may be the odd interruption or the occasional shift of focus. Your work phone may ring. A kid may get hurt and need a hug. Hell, maybe someone from your Minecraft group hits you up on Discord for some urgent topic. I don’t give a shit, i’m not the center of the universe, and i can look at my phone for 10 minutes while you get your stuff out of the way.

    hmm I see. I think these are fine, shit happens, and these don’t have a very high probability of happening either anyway. but (without much experience) I feel that with 2 very young kids as in OP’s situation, the distractions could easily be frequent, and that is why I think he is right to decline the offer